actually, I'm a sock model
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
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