When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
