My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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