I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Sorry about my life...
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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