So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
