I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
