He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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