i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
