The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
