Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
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