Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
