Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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