No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
