Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
