I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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