he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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