i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
And then my night got REAL pukey
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
