could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
