butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
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