we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
