it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I need to calm my uterus...
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
