I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
