yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
