This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
