20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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