you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
