It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Randomize
