either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Randomize
