I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
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