dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
