So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
