TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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