id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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