it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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