Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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