i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
