My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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