Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
