I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
