You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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