I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
ugly people sure do ruin things
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
should my penis look like a turkey
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Randomize
