Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
he fucked my hip out of place.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
