remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I smell stomach acid.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
