brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
