If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
