never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
