hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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