i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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