My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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