Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i just google imaged poop.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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