worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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