we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
